Perth AFL Hopeful Takes Out Insurance Policy On Mullet To Safeguard Career

Like many young AFL hopefuls, Brett knows that if he doesn’t maintain a lush, flowing mullet his odds of being selected at the draft are reduced significantly. 

It’s no secret that AFL clubs have been favouring the Australian classic hairstyle. Especially amongst its younger rookies. So, one would be wise to make sure that come draft night, their haircut wouldn’t look out of place at Kwinana Motorplex. 

Brett has been busy shopping around for the best deal, telling The Times,

“SGIO offered decent cover on a mullet-related setback stopping me from getting drafted. I’d be covered for barber butchery, mate-related-follicular-vandalism on the piss and even early onset baldness, should it result in the business side of the mullet looking a little insolvent”

However, at the bequest of his mother, Brett continued to shop around and discovered an even better policy from QBE. He told The Times,

“I couldn’t believe it, new for old replacement. This is what I need, it’s all well and good to get a cash payout but that’s not going to turn back the clock and get me drafted. This way, if my mane goes up around a campfire, I’ll get the replacement in 24 hours and still meet the AFL’s policy on rookie hair requirements”

We spoke to a talent scout who told The Times,

“People think we’re on the sidelines each week looking at who’s carving up the midfield or taking crucial intercept marks. We have clear directives from the clubs to find strapping young mulleted lads to strap on the boots”

According to the AFL, the crackdown on anti-social behaviour & ethnic slurs has left the supporter bases feeling a little left behind. Plus with the ever-rising cost of a pie at the footy, one could be left thinking, what’s the AFL got to offer to the Aussie bogan anymore. 

A spokesperson for the AFL told The Times,

“We get a lot of complaints about the game getting soft and we worry we’re losing touch with the hordes of toothless simpletons that keep our game afloat. Enforcing a rookie mullet policy is our way of saying, oi, we here ya kent”

Brett is expected to continue working on his mullet in anticipation for the draft at the end of the year.

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