Drivers were treated to no shortage of statutory write off opportunities on Friday as Perth’s drainage system completely shat the bed and turned the roads into Kevin Costner’s wet dream. With more on the way Monday.

“Tony”, who didn’t want to use his real name said he is “beyond stoked” that he doesn’t have to stage another clumsy boat launch accident to pull off an insurance job on his piece of shit Alfa Romeo that keeps costing him money.

The red mist of mechanical fuckery came over his face as he explained the only good thing about the disgusting little vehicle was the insurance policy.

He needed a moment to calm himself as he began angrily muttering about his most recent bill and lamenting the fact the “luxury” hatch didn’t even get him any “puss” because it was out of action so often (and because it was an Alfa Romeo hatchback)

Now instead of sabotaging the car or staging an elaborate accident, Tony plans on just driving around Monday until the gods smile upon him and unleash a massive torrent of god-piss to wash away his car woes. A true, “golden shower”.

Thankfully given the scenes on the road Friday, no insurance company would even bother pressing an insured person on why they continued to drive into a deep pool. They have just to accept that it’s just the way nature intended Perth drivers to be.

Home & content fraudsters are also licking their lips for Monday as they know the constant stream of Perth 4WD owners living out their off-road fantasies will create plenty of bow waves that will smash through their pissweak barriers.

As always, the City is waiting on the return of the great hail storm of 2010 that can effortlessly turn a vehicle into a write off. You just need to leave your car uncovered and pray Mother Nature golf-balls it six ways to Sunday.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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