Perth man completes transition from “young & free” to “ratepayer” as he becomes overly invested in the pedestrianisation of local mixed-used precinct 

Charlie’s identity as a young, free & wild at heart man has had the last nail in the coffin hammered in after he found himself considering going to a Council meeting over the proposed pedestrianisation of his local mixed-used precinct. 

Thinking way too long about the pros and cons of the proposal, Charlie has conceded that his life has rapidly reached this point. A point of no return, in the official ratepayer’s mind. He told The Times,

“I pay my rates and I think I should be heard on the subject. I think it’d be great for the social scene but I do worry about access during peak hours to essential amenities. I think I want to speak at the meeting”

Of course, only 5 years ago, Charlie would’ve been precisely the kind of guy to roll his eyes at the proposal and say, “who gives a shit”. However, now his property is in his name and the ratio of head hair to back hair is getting dangerously out of favour. He continued, 

“I can see myself raising a family, enjoying the street while we have a coffee on a Sunday afternoon. Maybe 1 beer. I get such bad hangovers now, I’d stick to one so maybe I’d prefer the option to drive. I really don’t know, I’d love a 4 hour seminar on it all”

To make the transition even clearer, Charlie’s wife has been treated to a PowerPoint preso of the points that Charlie hopes to make at the next meeting. Telling her, “we need to get this right, our suburb depends on it”.

To really seal the deal, Charlie has also begun being vocal about the pedestrianisation proposal on his local FB community groups. 

We understand the practice of arguing with other ratepayers online is filling the void where fun, spontaneity and seizing the day used to sit.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?