Earlier this week, Pete Evans debuted a new cut while wandering around a kitchen aimlessly. The unusual footage left many wondering what the new cut was about well now we know.
Evans plans to take a short break from being cooked and selling magic light machines to enter himself in the 2023 AFL Draft. Hoping to reinvent himself as a star midfielder or the like. A source close to Evans told The Times,
“The haircut was all about looking the part. Everyone knows your chances of getting drafted are 110% higher if you’re rocking a mullet. Especially an egregious one. So everyone can stop asking if he’s had a meltdown!”
We understand that Evans is quite keen to go to the Gold Coast Suns given his favourite pastime is staring at the enormous, retina-destroying ball of fiery gas. However, he said he’s happy to join West Coast to be a part of a rebuild. A source continued,
“A rebuild is very close to his heart because in many ways he’s trying to rebuild his reputation. He had it all and then he really jumped off the pseudo-science tree and hit every branch. Now he just wants to play a role on the field. Play good footy, ya know?”
We can report that several clubs are “impressed” with the former TV chef especially after he took over his interview with Calrton to discuss the benefits of bone broth on player nutrition. A source told The Times,
“Basically, Evans is promising to bring a special machine that can literally help a full forward’s shanks with a special blend of light & radioactive waves. He’s also promising to show them how to prepare a goji berry acai bowl that completely cures concussion and associated brain injury later in life”
Pete Evans is believed to be the first player/club dietician to be considered. Nevertheless, it’s a long road to September and Pete Evans will have to continue to impress former clubs with his form.
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