BREAKING: Collingwood Still Trying To Escape Perth Airport

The Collingwood footy team arrived at an unfamiliar location last night – an airport. Even more unfamiliarly, it was Perth Airport. A destination known to test the most travel-hardened of men. Naturally, Collingwood didn’t stand a chance. 

Witnesses described the team walking around like they’d just ingested a heroic dose of Balingup’s finest. Gazing upon fantastical contraptions that their wildest imaginations could never imagine. Like a baggage carousel. A witness told The Times,

“Ecstasy soon turned to horror as they realised that they had to get out of the airport and to their accommodations. They really had no idea what they were doing and Perth Airport doesn’t make it easy”

We can report that DeGoey led a small contingent on a charge through the main gates. They managed to get to the team bus but it was only the beginning of their ordeal. A witness told The Times,

“After about 9 hours, a small group reached the bus. DeGoey just told the driver to go. Sadly, he couldn’t work out how to get onto Great Eastern. Just kept doing loops around the Airport labyrinth. I think DeGoey had to drink his own piss to survive”

Another group was led by former captain Pendlebury who still possessed ancient knowledge of the concept of an airport. He lead a few brave men to an airport shuttle and against the odds 3 of them managed to arrive at Redcliffe station. A commuter present told The Times,

“Ginnivan was really guzzling his own human piss. They were distressed. Having spent like 13 hours at Perth Airport. Sadly, they didn’t pick the right horse and ended up in High Wycombe. Which was obviously confusing as they looked at the locals and thought they’d landed amongst their supporter base”

Luckily, a Perth-based extraction team was called in to enter the airport just minutes ago to rescue the remaining Pies. The commander of the operation said he’d found Darcy huddled in a corner writing an SOS message with the brown ink from the human well. He added,

“He burst out into tears when he saw us. Said he never wanted to be in a place like this again and we all said, don’t worry champ, not much risk of that!”

All that remains to be seen is whether Collingwood can bounce back from their ordeal and avoid a thrashing by the Eagles today. 

More on escaping Perth Airport HERE.

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