Port Hedland proves he’s taking his cyclone prep seriously with second trip to bottlo

A Port Hedland man has left nothing to chance ahead of a low-pressure system that is likely to be declared a cat 4 cyclone early this week. 

After loading up on enough toilet paper to last a decade, the man made some final checks of his supplies. During this inspection, he realised he only had 15 cartons of bush chook. He decided to err on the side of caution and got back in his car. He told The Times,

“Can’t be taking risks in cyclone season mate. If there’s even a 1% chance I could run out of piss and not get to the bottlo during the destructive weather system then I’ll make those preparations. Reckon another 5 blocks should do the trick”

In true community spirit, the seasoned campaigner leaned out of his car window as he drove past his neighbours. Reminding them to load up on piss in the event a Blue Alert is called. His neighbour told The Times,

“He told me he was throwing a cyclone party but everyone had to bring their own grog. He wasn’t going to tolerate moochers this cyclone. That’s why he’s on high alert mate, last cyclone he lost a lot of good cans to leeches”

At the bottlo, the Port Hedland man apparently ran into a rival of his trying to clean up the remaining cartons. A witness told The Times,

“He grabbed this guy by his tackle and told him that if he didn’t leave at least 5 blocks for him he’d be dealing with a true destructive force of nature and he wasn’t talking about some damn wind”

Meanwhile, Emergency Services are pleading with locals between Broom & Port Hedland not to drink until they piss themselves, but rather stay alert and ready to act. This suggestion was politely declined by many. 

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