Spend a wonderful day in Baldivis. A semi-rural suburb that is too close to Rockingham and not far enough away from Mandurah. A suburb that is truly between a Rock and a shard place!
You will need a vehicle that not only screams, “I’m living the middle-class WA dream” but also is a demon across large patches of the unpaved, rural landscape – you guessed it, a ride on mower is the only way to see this unnecessarily vast suburb.
Top Experiences in Baldivis
Get that sinking feeling
Maybe it’s because Stockland was built on a putrid swamp or perhaps it’s because the devil himself thought Baldivis was too cruel a joke. Either way, a large sinkhole appeared in the car park in February this year. Unfortunately, Baldivis hole tourism has suffered a major blow as this particular hazard has been closed off to the public pending repairs.
Start lining up for Aldi
While there are 3 Aldis located just a short drink-drive away, there is still a disproportionate level of hype around the grand opening of Aldi Baldivis in a few months. Seeing as residents have nothing better to do, the queue for the new store is expected to reach deep into the wetlands. So, do the smart thing and join the line today. It’s only at a modest 1000 people currently, laughin’.
Perth suburbs make national headlines for the darndest things. Baldivis takes out the prestige title of bankruptcy capital of Australia. So come on down and have fun in the predatory lending practices carnival! There, you’ll get to enjoy some over-extension limbo, go bobbing for default notices and finally get the whole family involved in a little game of hide & seek from the debt collectors.
Audition for a cameo on A Current Affair
Hoons are the talk of the Baldivis Facebook community. So come drive like a fuckhead, it’s a free country and they’ll probably give you an E-Plate anyway! Grab a sedan or dirtbike and remember to smile for the camera, as residents wearing dressing gowns during the day try to film your 2 stroke heroics on their phones. If you’re lucky you’ll receive the highest accolade in the South – a judgmental spiel by Tracey Grimshaw
Relocate a Kangaroo
Baldivis boasts huge amounts of land, yet many residents still yearn for estate living. Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve experienced the joy of hearing your neighbour chuck their morning shit. Anyway, the resident kangaroos who got a last-minute reprieve on their death sentence could use a home. They got lucky this time, but never underestimate the hunger a bogan has for a house & land package. Progress will inevitably roll on.
You are really spoiled for choice, you can rock the Denpasar tuxedo – boardies, Bintang singlet and a flat brim cap, or if you’ve had a fun day tearing up median strips, you should continue to rock your Fox Racing kit aka the Baldivis-best-man-speech-chic.
“It’s no small feat for bird watching in the nearby wetlands to be the most exciting thing to do in a suburb, but Baldivis achieved it. Didn’t get to enjoy the sinkhole, but there was sure a sinking feeling in my heart when I realised I’d rather be spending my day in Rockingham” – Tanya S
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?