Despite being as caucasian as the sprinkler move on a wedding d-floor, Karl fancies himself somewhat of a chilli warrior. A man who thinks he can defy his genes and not end up defiling his denims.
However, his self-constructed persona as a man worthy of scovillian-respect came crashing down last night as he tried it on at a local Thai restaurant.
Karl’s mate enjoyed every minute of Karl’s meltdown as he paid the price for goading the waitress into giving him the real heat. He told The Times,
“He’s such a flog. First, he asks the girl what the hottest thing on the menu is. She tells him Kaeng Tai Pla but to be careful ordering it”
Her warning only served as a matador’s cape to Karl’s raging bull of future digestive issues. His mate continued,
“He said he’ll take that and then kept saying to prepare it traditionally. He wants it as hot as the Thais have it. Kept saying he can handle it. Man was he wrong”
See Karl He’s earned his chops in the Nando’s scene, always loudly insisting on extra extra hot and making sure everyone sees him take a bottle back to his table.
But traditional Thai cuisine ain’t yo softcock Nandos. A lesson Karl would learn all night long. Another friend, Hailee was at the dinner too and told The Times,
“He was so smug after his first bite. Opened his mouth and told us all that it was fark all. Turns out it was a bit of a creeper and creep it did”
Karl’s friends knew the exact moment he realised he was in for a world of pain. After his 3rd bite, beads of sweat started rapidly forming on his big, balding forehead. His complexion reddened and he started desperately sucking in air like greasy Dyson.
The staff watched on in delight as a once cocky Karl slammed 6 BYO froffs back to back in search of just a little reprieve from the burn. A chef on duty told The Times,
“We didn’t even make it Thai hot. That’s just the usual heat we give to falungs. Karl is biiiiiig pussssy”
Karl enjoyed an evening of sharts, stomach pains and worst of all – a bruised ego that may never heal. He’s put all his eggs in the chilli pro basket and now all he was left with is a giant shit omelette in his grundies.
Don’t be a hero Karl.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
