Perth bachelor Bailey doesn’t want to blow his own horn but he’s just reached culinary perfection after expertly slapping a fried egg on top of his Mi Goreng noodles.
Gazing upon his creation caused a tear to roll down his eye as he thought about the iron chef’s nodding with approval. He could now truly say that his cuisine reigned supreme.
He left his boxer shorts looking like a painter’s overalls as his taste buds delighted in the yolk mixing through his 5th packet of Mi Goreng for the day. He told The Times,
“I reckon I’m a shoe-in for Masterchef or maybe even a segment of Chef’s Table. I’ve even got my sob story worked out for the judges”
Before continuing, a masterful look came over Bailey’s face as he gestured for us to “check this out”. He then sprinkled some dried chives over the top of the remaining noodles and looked basked in his own brilliance. He continued,
“I’ll tell them that I was brought up on apricot chicken and shit casseroles. That I was forced to expand my horizons and that’s where I learned how to add an egg to Mi Goreng. Once I spooned some crunchy peanut butter in too. Satay, man, satay”
We weren’t about to waste an opportunity to pick this visionary brain. We asked what other creations he had under his belt. He wasn’t shy,
“Should see this cheese toastie I do, ay. Bang two Kraft Singles on the outside of the bread and 5 inside. Once you’re done scraping it off you’ll be in heaven”
Over the course of 45 minutes the hits kept coming. Bailey even treated us to a cookery freestyle where he just started throwing random frozen veggies into his boiling noodles. He called it chow mein.
Ultimately, Bailey wants to open a Mi Goreng modification-style restaurant where he’ll treat customers to his creations. Including his top-secret dish where he chops up a Maccas happy meal through his Mi Goreng. Finishing with a splash of Coke.
Just like mamma used to make.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?