Brutal scenes as substitute PE teacher attempts to drop some youthful lingo 

A 27-year-old substitute PE Teacher erroneously believed he had the requisite youth-appeal to step up his communication game with his zoomer class today. A belief he nurtured through far too many hours of a TikTok that a 27-year-old would be proud to admit to. 

At approximately 10:30 this morning, John decided to show these zoomers what he was made of by responding to a habitual PE dodger’s latest excuse by declaring it “cap”. Several seconds of extreme awkwardness followed as the students stared in disbelief. With one finally breaking the silence by declaring that John was “not a vibe”. 

To make the situation exponentially worse, John attempted to dig himself out of the cringehole by pulling up Urban Dictionary on his phone and showing the children that he indeed used the urban, slang term correctly. A zoomer told The Times,

“What a boomer. He is like old enough to be a landlord or something. Plus she wasn’t lying she just has a self-diagnosed anxiety triggered by volleyballs”

If you thought it couldn’t get worse from there. You’d be wrong. In an attempt to laugh off the awkwardness in the air, John declared to the group that the little blunder was typical of his “main character energy” and that he’s a bit of a “chad”. 

This time the mocking laughter cut through John like a butterknife. Each giggle filled him with rage as he very quickly came to grips with his misjudgment of his ability to relate to Gen Z. He then kept digging in that special way only John can. A witness told The Times,

“His face was getting all red and he started yelling that he’d checked out all our TikToks & Be Reals after his first class with us last week and he KNEW we used those terms and that he was using them correctly. Big yikes”

He’d gone from cringe to creepy in record timing. It didn’t take long for John’s reputation as a lurker on teen social media channels to go viral, so to speak. Some say you just can’t come back from something like that. 

Now recovering from the ordeal, John is urging other people his age to really think about repeating the lingo you heard while trawling 16-year old’s social media. His advice is don’t. 

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