Any decent crim knows the most important part of any good crime is properly disposing of incriminating evidence after the fact. It can be a real doozie.
So, a syndicate operating out of Perth has had the novel idea to let Qantas do what they do best and lose their bags forever. Without any possibility of them being found.
We spoke to the head of the operation that dabbled in a wide variety of scumbag enterprises. He told The Times,
“Nothing worse than a cheeky piece of evidence popping up and unravelling your network of dodgy dealings. You’d be surprised at what the police can find if they look hard enough so when we heard about Qantas’ baggage record we were pretty interested”
We spoke to a man involved in one of the syndicate’s latest swindles who was tasked with getting rid of clothing, weapons and CCTV tapes. He told The Times,
“I did 3 years after I misread the tides and some pesky evidence washed up on shore. With Qantas baggage checking I know that once it’s off that conveyor belt not a single soul will ever see it again. What a world we live in”
Qantas has since apologised to the judicial system but says they have Alan Joyce down on ground level looking for incriminating evidence as they speak. A spokesperson added,
“Obviously, Qantas apologises for the loss of any bag. Be it your holiday kit or evidence that could put some real menaces to society where they belong. We are committed to sorting our shit out, that we can promise you”
We understand that at the time of writing this article, the WA Police have sent undercover officers to work in baggage to assist in trying to keep some of their bags in the Earth realm.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?