Tom, a hardcore test cricket purist has been unable to wipe the look of disgust from his face as he encounters more and more Big Bash fans in his daily life.
In fact, being in the same room as an enthusiastic T20 physically repulses him to the extent he has to excuse himself. He told The Times,
“I sat through 4 days in the blistering heat supporting real cricket. All I could think about is how annoyed I was going to be when I see the same stadium pack out for a bastardisation of this great game. A cheap gimmick for mouth breathers and filthy casuals”
Tom had to compose himself after he began muttering about a “day of great reckoning” that was “coming for them”. He took several deep breaths and continued,
“It’s essentially just backyard cricket. No nuance, no discipline, just hard slogging and a soundtrack straight out of a Nova FM afternoon show. Absolutely sickening stuff”
A mate close to Tom has begged his friend to lighten up a bit. He has even extended an olive branch and offered to shout him a ticket to the big bash tonight to “get around it”. This was somewhat of a mistake.
After deleting his number, Tom wrote his mate’s name on a post-it note, placed it in the work urinal and chucked a massive dehydrated piss on it.
It was the kind of piss a man who spent 4 days in the harsh Perth sun watching real cricket can produce.
The public is warned to steer clear of Tom today. Especially if they cross paths with the man on public transport while dressed head to toe in Scorchers gear.
It could get ugly.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
