The Amateur Explosives Expert

2020 should have Robbo on a bloody retainer. He is a multi-disciplined educating machine and has spent the past 8 months dishing out strongly-worded reckons on bushfire control, COVID-19 and systemic racism. However, now is truly his time to shine – explosion analysis.

Reckoning shit about explosives is near and dear to his heart. Some say, he finally graduated from the University of Life during the September 11 attacks where he dove balls deep into the batshittery and was changed forever.

Furthermore, he held a stop sign on a mine site for a few months. Needless to say, he worked pretty close to some other dudes who thought they knew some shit about explosives and heard many a half conversation in the wet mess. How dare you dispute his qualifications.

True to Robbo’s unique brand of sensitivity, he hammers out an angry Facebook thesis documenting his initial observations about the blast:

“Ha ha amoniem nitrous ??.. pull th otherr one!! Werked with it for years and it wont go boom without a ACCELERANT .. lamesstream media dont know shit.. Fireworks they reckon?? On that PAYLOAD? Nah, see the BLAST PATTERN? Nitroglycaron no doubt lots of it”

A compelling argument to be sure. He spends the rest of his afternoon wisely – by arguing with all the other explosives experts who to take a contrary reckon to his reckoning. There is more shit being flung than a monkey gastro party.

By this stage he has done enough 5 second googles of “Ammonium Nitrate” to put himself firmly on an ASIO watch list. He isn’t worried, naturally, an expert of his standing would be expected to perform such searches. He decides to elaborate on the root of his contrary view,

“Fark off, jus look at the REGION.. Lebanon been at war like Morroco or someshit for decades… Just a coincidence a port is destroyed? Accideent? Ha ha keep taken that red pill”

What a treat, he’s dipped his toes into international relations. His finest debating tool is being too dumb to understand people’s rebuttals. It makes him fearsome in Facebook combat. So despite properly researching any of his claims he hits YouTube to get some perspective.

He’s spun around the YouTube vortex and realises he’s been looking at this disaster all wrong. He rushes to this favourite FB group to wake the sheeple up,

“Yous srsly think thats RECENT FOOTAGE?! Old footage, make it look like (..nitroglycol bomb) as its a coverup .. herd from gud authoritey there is a 5G tower in that port… stating to get the picture????”

He retires to his favourite chair with a full box of chicken ovenables and a longneck of Woodstock. His work here is done.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?