Plastic surgeons hate him! Because Lou has found out a way to increase his dick size without ever stepping foot in an operating theatre! Harley Davidson, baby, you think his wife’s divorce lawyer is laughing now? Forget about it.
He is now high on mid-life-cris-amphetamine and is showing no signs of slowing down. After splashing a cool $20k, he now has his own chopper and a wardrobe that would convert a Village Person.
Of course, a withering manhood wasn’t the only reason for choosing a Harley, he was also a bit of a pussy and like a Soundcloud rapper with a codeine allergy, he feared the lean. Will that stop him from describing himself as riding enthusiast? Fuck no.
Every Sunday morning he is out the front of his house polishing up his Hog’s pipes like a 15 year old on the first day of school holidays. In fact, he spends more time shining up his bike than actually riding it, it’s an enthusiast thing, you pocket rocket sports bikers wouldn’t get it.
Today is Perth’s lucky day because Lou has decided he’ll actually go for a cruise. He heads Freo way to meet up with his “riding club” – a motley crew of portly men whose idea of a good time is standing next to their bike in public. What a rush.
No one will ever be as cool as Lou feels as he gives the Harley-nod to fellow cruisers. He makes sure to give an extra loud rev when the light turns green, aw shit, he hopes those girls in the Hyundai Getz had water damage insurance, ‘cos he just made them gush. Old enough to be their dad, dangerous enough to be their daddy.
As he pulls into Freo he notices a peaceful yet bustling vibe. A type of social serenity that is both enjoyable and lively, and it makes him fucking sick. He didn’t buy a new muffler from China for nothing, time to open her up and make more noise than an Italian family when nonna brings out the panettone.
Like a top knot with an acoustic guitar, the sounds emanating from Lou has pissed off every punter on the Cappuccino Strip. Ignorant, or perhaps too high on fuckheadery to care, he decides to loop around for an encore no one asked for. On’ya Lou.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?