The Perth Bikie Expert

There has been one glaring omission in the around-the-clock media coverage on Nick Martin’s death – Brandon’s expert opinion. After all, he’s watched every episode of Sons of Anarchy 3 times, regularly attends the Motorplex and wears a thick chain that contains less gold than a box set of Big Bang Theory. 

To correct this, Brandon spends most of his day commenting on as many articles about the subject matter as possible. What motivates Brandon to be so generous with his unsolicited reckons? 

Well, it’s very important for Brandon that he goes through life tricking as many people into thinking he could be connected to a 1% gang as possible. His entire image is moulded on the deceit and as such he has a very vivid imagination of how he thinks the criminal culture operates. 

When the news first broke, Brandon, took to FB wearing his elite marksman’s hat to cast doubt on the story being pushed by the media,

“Ha ha get fukt… i no like 3 blokes who culd make that shoot and 2 of em live in new south wales… and the bloke in wa.. Well lets say he would not have needed multiple shoots and wouldve used a real man’s kalibre ha”

Call him UberEats because he is delivering whoppers right to your front door. Nevertheless, every other man who is desperate to be seen as “in the know” make comments in agreeance; with each throwing their own pinch of salt to this fanciful value meal. 

After the initial excitement, there came a lull in reporting. The media has no new facts so they were leaving no irrelevant stone unturned. Brandon took a lot of inspiration from this approach and started drawing his bow as long as possible. 

He comments on an article about a man who once had a beer with Nick Martin’s cousin with some pure horseshit,

“All yous dont no nothin… bloke me cousin done time with said it was a business deal gone bad n the boys already got the shooter ha ha dont have to tell u what those boys r gonna do lets just say aint gonna talk to the pigs .. if u know u no ai”

Amazingly, such a connected member of the criminal underworld has so much confidence to splash their business across social media. Surely, Brandon is betraying the oath he solemnly swore when he purchased a SAMCRO cut and Reaper Crew hat off Wish. 

Of course, the recent news that they arrested a former soldier for the crime hasn’t sat well with Brandon’s narrative. Lucky for Brandon no one has been paying attention to him but he doesn’t know that. He thinks Perth is hanging off his every word. 

There could only be one possible explanation – it’s all a setup. As we all know, when confronted with a set of fact you don’t like, the easiest approach is simply to make up your own set of facts. So Brandon hits FB with a vengeance. 

“Hmmmmmm yeahnahhhh hahahahaha this guy jsut taken the fall for the real killas – gang squad WA.. my uncle tattoos som of the boys an they rekon cops didnt have enough on nick and mmmm thi happens???? Pigs dont fly they LIE”

Well, there you have it. Surely if you chuck enough bullshit at the board something will stick. Has Brandon cracked the code? Or does he need to lay off the pipe and pick a different TV show to watch? Only time will tell.