30 days ago, a local Pholcus phalangioides decided to make WA man Nick’s toilet his new haunt. So he set up shop in the top right corner and spun his web.
While exorcising a gut-demon, Nick looked up to spot his new housemate. He apologised for the stink, explaining to the daddy long legs that he’d been on the beer & brisket all weekend and there was little he could do to stay the savage beast brewing inside of him.
By the end of his gut-emptying session, Nick felt he had bonded with the spider and swore an oath to leave him be. It wasn’t just the spider’s new house, it was a home.
This is of course in stark contrast to how Nick reacted to spotting a huntsman in his living room the other week. To say he embarrassed Australia as a nation would be an understatement. He told The Times,
“Yeah, I pussed out hard, man. I had to leave the room. I know Steve Irwin is looking down on me in total disgust. I’m just the kinda guy who can only tolerate 1 specific species of spider. Even if the daddy-long-legs is objectively creepy looking too”
Similarly, the toilet-lodger avoided the same “destroy-on-sight” order that redbacks suffer at the hands of Nick’s arachnophobia. He told The Times,
“Yeah, I kill every spider I see and then whinge about mozzies and shit ha ha. I’m a joke of a bloke but it’s how I’m wired mate”
So naturally, the daddy long legs feels honoured to have made it into Nick’s inner circle. Their agreement is simple, he catches toilet gnats and doesn’t charge Nick, and in return, Nick doesn’t give him the broom the living shit out of him.
It will be a sad day when the leggy-boi decides to leave. In many ways, it’s the father Nick never had.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?