WA Police Release Map Of Backfiring Car Locations To Ease Community Concerns

WA Police have sought to ease community concerns by releasing a map showing the density of reports of “someone busting caps” that turns out to just be some shitbox backfiring. 

As can be seen on the map, there is an intense number of reports every day on community FB pages from people who clearly have never heard a weapon discharge in their life. 

A spokesperson for WA Police told The Bell Tower Times,

“It would be easy to think we were living in Central America if you look at the constant daily reports in community FB pages. We’d just like to assure the public that what they are hearing 99.99% of the time is a horribly maintained sack of mechanical crap letting out the song of its people”

Admin for such a page in the dirty south told The Times,

“This shit again. I swear half my evening is spent moderating posts of people who despite hearing cars backfire every single night, still can’t seem to put two and two together. Maybe if they watched a bit less Underbelly and grew a brain we’d work better as a group”

We tracked down Tayla who has taken to FB to ask the community if they heard the unmistakable sound of a gang related drive-by going down in her hood. She told us,

“All these fake bitchez don’t know shit bro, my bro rolls with bikies I think I’d know what it sounds like. Someone deffs got lit up”

We spoke to Damo, a keybanger addict, who is estimated to be the source of around 15% of these reports every day.

“Keybangers bruz, Farken sikkkk. I like to smash out a few and then sit in the Maccas car park watching the FB group go mental *laughs hoonishly* everyone reckons their an expert on 9s and gats and shit. I reckon they watch too many movies bruz”

The WA Police would like the public to know they take every report seriously but if you’re calling them up every night, then it might behove you to go down to a range and clue yourself in on what they actually sound like.

“We simply don’t have the resources to respond to 5000 reports every night. We’ll never forget the time we conducted a raid on a bloke who just turned out to have a shit service history. Wasn’t a good day for the force”

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