Why a Bali Bonk Ban Will Be Fark All 

You can imagine my suproiiise when I came across an article this morning during me 3rd morning shit. Those Bali dogs are threatening to take away your right to get ya plunger down the lady drain in their country. At first, I was angry but then I did some self-reflection and realised it’s no big deal, ay. 

Priorities – Let’s all pump the farken brakes, it’s not like they announced a ban on drinking 25 Bintangs a day and draining the lizard in a swim-up bar.

My holidays are about relaxing, so from the moment I land in Denpasar until the moment I staunch customs for threatening to take me ciggies I’ll be getting more piss in than a pelican taking a golden shower ha ha. I can’t stress this enough – nothing is gonna stop me from doing this. 

Takes the pressure off  – Obviously, this doesn’t apply to me – I’m as hard as fuck. In fact, in 2004 I dropped me persuader off some – scaffolding so instead of going back down I just used my rock hard cock to hammer in the final nails ha ha, that’s a true story.

However your little pinner will be softer than a microwaved sausage roll after a hefty session on the beers and mushie shakes. So, keep that little apprentice softy holstered and you won’t embarrass yourself in front of the prossie you’ve paid for, ay ha ha. 

You’ll never get screwed harder than by the cops  – If you really wanna get screwed you should try buying some party drugs on the streets of Kuta.

Before you know it you’ll be copping a hiding in the police station and if you don’t cough up $20k you’ll be modelling on the orange jumpsuit catwalk ha ha – that’s a rogering you won’t forget you little prick. Oh, and if you’re a dumbarse you’ll even end up staying at Hotel Kerobokan and no morality laws are going to stop the sex that goes on in there. Struth. 

There you go. No need to panic; you can continue to treat the streets of Kuta like your brother in laws man cave ha ha. After all, they need us heaps, why do you think they call us boss? Weak dogs. 

RELATED: The Human Zoo – Ms Bali

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?