Willetton devastated to learn new homeowners are only using it for its school catchment area 

The suburb of Willetton got a harsh dose of reality today after getting excited over a new family choosing to make it their home. For these weren’t Willetton lovers at all. Merely opportunists using the postcode to get their kids into a highly ranked public school. 

Alas, Willetton is like the 5-minute missionary pump of suburban life. It’s safe, it’s reliable but it lacks that certain je ne sais quoi to really be rocking anyone’s socks off. It’s no Rossmoyne. 

Willetton conceded it was used to this type of heartbreak but it never gets any easier on the SOR suburb. We spoke to the family who had no emotional attachment to the suburb, they told The Times,

“If we could afford Rossmoyne we would’ve bought there. Plain and simple. Better suburb, better school. However, Willetton SHS ranks highly so we guess that will do. Please consider this a relationship of convenience Willetton and nothing more, may as well be Bull Creek to us”

A spokesperson for Willetton said that Willetton was convinced it could convince this family to pursue a richer relationship with the burb. Adding,

“We may not have a river or Dan Murphys but we do have a Southland Boulevarde which has a Hoyts. We have an Aldi coming in and of course a Bunnings. We used to have a spaceship and you can probably get some low-quality buds at the skatepark. What more do you want?”

We had to stop the spokesperson as they began to rabbit on about having access to Roe Highway. Which probably wasn’t the selling point it thought it would be. Nevertheless, Willetton is prepared to do what it takes to win this new family over. The spokesperson continued,

“Luke Jackson played for the Willetton Junior Footy Club. Did we mention we used to have a spaceship? It’s a good suburb. Please don’t see us as just a sweet catchment area to get your kids a leg up in life”

It is undoubtedly a little disheartening to see such a solid suburb with such low self esteem. Chin up, big guy. 

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