The weather is coming in so it’s time to be a tourist in your own city! Here are some of the best gems around the 6000.
1. Brabham
Find out why people are saying “Brabham? Wtf is that?” Located somewhere North East, Brabham is a your gateway to Henley Brook which is your gateway to Ellenbrook! I know, I know, sign you up right now.
While in Brabham make sure to indulge in the local cuisine – energy drinks for breakfast, lunch and dinner. You’ll never feel hungry when you’re charging around the housing estates in a caffeine induced anxiety.
2. Kewdale
Kewdale is the hidden gem in the City of Belmont. Not only does it border on the Perth Airport but it’s home to the bin chicken stronghold at Tomato Lake.
Ideally, you and the family will spend the day watching planes fly overhead at the fence and then head over to Tomato Lake for a picnic. Just watch for syringes and aggrieved locals who don’t take kindly to your staring problem.
3. Ascot
A hefty whiff of horse shit is all the adventerous spirirt needs! You’ll think you’re in an episode of Yellowstone, just with more mossies and an unsettling amount of weird swinger parties going on down at the marina.
You may also want to try your luck at the Spring Carnival. Make sure you dress in the exact clothes you’ll want the Magistrate to see on Monday morning because after a few winners you’ll almost certainly be dragging your family name through the mud. More on Ascot HERE.
4. Claremont
Itt’s Royal Show time so why not go and watch the REAL show – the Claremont residents milking bogans for their hard earned for a bit of show parking! HELL YEAH.
Make sure you don’t drive in yourself. If you do, you can always park up at some dero abandoned house in the poor part of Nedlands. Extra points if see a resident call a ranger because the bogan was 5 minutes late. $50 for them, $200 for the council! More on bogan carpark mayhem HERE.
5. Scarborough
One of the true marvels of Perth is the daily turbo parade at the iconic Scarborough Beach. Just as the weather starts to heat up so do our beloved meatheaded Scab’s turbos!
Bring a packed lunch of roids & gear or source some from a bumbag from one of the many menacing hulks knuckle dragging between the bars and the beach. Not to be missed. Read more on Scabs HERE.
6. Karrinyup
Who said mazes were just for kids? Adults can get in on the fun by entering the labyrinthian underground car park while any middle-aged woman in your crew gets blasted at a shopping centre bar.
Be warned, the maze is not for beginners or anyone in any type of hurry. Dedicate at least 5 hours. If you are visiting around the X-Mas shopping period leave at least 24 hours.
7. City of Cockburn
Why? Maybe try asking yourself why not! The City of Cockburn truly has something for everyone. Especially if your idea of a good time is squaring up with troublesome youths or wrangling stray trolleys from the many suburbs.
After you’ve been staunched by a prepubescent shitstain, treat yourself to a selfie by one of the many City of Cockburn signs around the area. They make for great souvenirs and your interstate friends will love ‘em.
8. Two Rocks
Sometimes you just have to see the outer limits of our sprawl for yourself. It’s just a cruisy hour from the city or 13 hours if you fancy a sprawlin’ stroll. Be left with confused bemusement as you ask yourself “why” and “am I in Geraldton yet?”. Read more on the sprawl HERE.
When you have been left perplexed by Perth’s urban expansion strategy then enjoy a day visit to the abandoned Atlantis Marine Park. Do as the locals do and chuck a big slash on King Neptune. Someone has gotta keep the strong scent of urine pumping.
9. Bull Creek
This is an absolute no-brainer. Red Roota, Uncle Dans, Freeway access, a train station, and your choice of a white knucklin’ adventure on Leach Highway of South Street! What more could a thrill seeker ask for?
It could be tempting to rush through the sights in one day but to properly take it in, dedicate at least a week to Bull Creek. Read more on Bull Creek HERE.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
