Like the acid reflux from an especially heinous 3am meatbox, COVID has returned to cause us a slight discomfort. On the bright side, working from home is back on the cards.
Personal grooming goes out the window
If you presented at your office smelling like a cave troll’s wedgied grundies you would experience a fair degree of social shame. Avoiding hurtful nicknames and embarrassing HR meetings is a powerful motivator for us to remain fresh & clean. Alas, no such motivating factor exists when you’re working from home.
You may resist the urge to work in your underwear and Bintang singlet for the first few days but eventually, you’ll partake in the forbidden fruit of slobbery. Think of it as your own stinky protest against the hundreds of unpaid hours you took to get ready for work in your life.
The Instagram post
While it may be possible to work from a cafe or backyard without posting a photo on Instagram of your #officefortheday, no one has ever dared test it. Spend at least 45minutes setting up your table to look chic, professional and smug. Stooges stuck in their employment prisons will be blown away by your ability to line up a notebook & laptop while also getting good light on your cup of coffee.
If only you put as much effort into your career as you did in creating the illusion you were a well organised working machine.
Slaying the demon of procrastination
The major difference between working from an office or working from home is the nature of the distractions. In the office, all your distractions are awful, soul-destroying shit that leaves you wondering when you’ll go postal – coworkers breathing loudly, tuna microwaving, small chat that would put a meth head to sleep. It’s an endless abyss of irritation and to avoid them you even go as far to do some work.
At home, all your distractions are truly joyous – YouTube vortexes, your pets, a stocked fridge and of course the ever-present temptation of lift up your erotic bonnet and give your engine a service. Learn to control these demons or achieve less than a dildo at a scissoring party.
Feeling betrayed at how doable WFH is
You will probably be overwhelmed with feelings of joy and freedom during your work-from-home tenure. Once you slay the demons of procrastination you will also probably realise you can do more work from home in 2 hours than 8 hours at the office counting down the clock.
Then it will hit you. Why the dickens hasn’t your employer offered you this flexibility employment before? COVID-19 has done a lot of bad but as a true gift to humanity, it has exposed just how doable working from home is. Remember this when the virus clears and your boss suddenly thinks working from home isn’t such a good idea.
Oh, and as a final thought, if your boss is the kind to expect you to keep a webcam on or tries to catch you out by Skyping randomly – ditch ’em. You can do better, honey.