REPORT: Middle Aged Baldivis Woman Not Ready To Let Go

Sue still remembers that fateful day in the early 2000s when she first got sold the dream of rock-hard abs. She was tending to her young children when an infomercial appeared on the screen. It would be a day that changed her life forever. 

Not being the impulsive type, she was shocked when she agreed to 4 easy payments of $19.99 and gave her credit card details to the nice young man on the other end of her landline telephone. 21 days later, it arrived. 

She promised herself she’d give it a red hot go and recorded over 15 ab crunches in the first week of ownership. Alas, the cruel sands of time eroded as life got in the way. Eventually, the Ab Roller was relegated to the garage where it has stayed for the last 20 odd years. 

During a recent de-cluttering of the house, her hubby asked the question he has asked every year, “can we throw this piece of shit out, luv?” Sue had to pause to consider the implications. Was she ready to admit the Ab Roller summer bod project was an abject failure? She told The Times,

“See, it’s easy on the back and delivers all the benefits of a traditional sit-up. I tried to throw it out. It was on the verge and all but it has a hold on me. One day I’ll really get stuck into a routine and have the abs I’ve always dreamed about. So, I ran out into the night and snatched it from my verge. I wasn’t ready then, I’m not ready now”

Sue’s husband Dan is far less sentimental about the item. Exclaiming that if he trips over the cunnovadog one more time while trying to get to his tackle box he’ll take matters into his own hands. He told The Times,

“I think she thinks that if she throws it out she’s admitting that she got conned by an infomercial. I just know it’s going to sit in the garage for another 20 years. No one uses those stupid pieces of crap”

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