WA’s AFL Coaches Now Living Vicariously Through AFL 23 Games

Adam Simpson and Justin Longmuir have found unlikely solace in the trainwreck AFL 23 game released this week. Although the game is widely criticised for being “broken”, it presents the two coaches an opportunity to feel alive again. After all, it has been a brutal season for both of them. 

A source close to Simmo said the Eagles coach was heard muttering, “I need a win”, before slinking off into a private room with a copy of the game in hand. Unbeknownst to the coach, a couple of players watched on with great interest. The source told The Times,

“He was really taking advantage of the poor AI. Each time Jack Darling slotted a goal he’d get up and fist pump with the intensity of a thousand Jersey Shore fuckwits. Big Jacky D scored 150 goals in that game”

Similarly, Docker’s coach Justin Longmuir has put a lock on his rumpus room’s door and told his family that he isn’t to be disturbed as he’s working on a new game plan and strategy for the boys. A source close to Justin told The Times,

“By the sounds of it, his plan is for Serong to get the ball 300 times and Matty Pav to come back out of retirement and kick a bag. He calls the 4 hour sessions his special time and is really bloody sweaty when he comes out of the room”

Since the release of the game, both coaches have racked up an impressive 50 wins a piece. Some are concerned the fantasy world of winning is getting in the way of their usual preparation, however. Simmo calmed concerns by stating, “winning is winning, have you ever seen Barras score from full back?”

It’s hard to argue with that logic. Now the biggest concern the coaches have is the game getting fixed and becoming more competitive. A source told The Times,

“If the AFL 23 universe starts resembling the real universe then I think that’ll hit em like a tonne of bricks. They just need a win”

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