As the new AFL CEO has been named, The Times can reveal that Alan Joyce had thrown his hat into the ring but was ultimately passed up for the opportunity due to strong opposition from the player’s association.
It’s no secret that superfit athletes like to blow off a little steam on the bags and they simply couldn’t trust Joyce not to lose all their bags in that special way he knows how.
We understand, Ginnivan and Bailey Smith gave submissions to the board about the issue. Another player who wishes to remain anonymous told The Times,
“We are finely tuned machines, mate. Can’t be sinking piss during the season. That’s why we turn to bags to celebrate a win. If we didn’t inexplicably film ourselves doing it every time the public wouldn’t even know. It’s important to us and Joyce is a serial bag-loser”
A source close to Alan Joyce said the unpopular Irish ex-CEO passionately pleaded his case. Saying he was a changed man and every bag was safe under his leadership.
Naturally, the board was unconvinced given his reputation for separating people from their bags during his time at Qantas. A source told The Times,
“Obviously the AFL doesn’t condone the use of bags but I’ll tell you what they hate even more than players getting on it. Misplaced bags create controversy and the AFL CEO has to be op top of that. The board even consulted Wayne Carey about that”
It’s understood Wayne Carey told the board that just one misplaced bag could cause the league massive embarrassment as he found out firsthand. The source continued,
“Whether your bag ends up in a Snapchat or on the gaming floor of Crown Casino, it’s a bad look. We need a CEO that can ensure bags never go missing. Joycey just isn’t that man”
We understand Joyce will be eying off a job at Woolworths. A company committed to getting rid of bags.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?