If you thought the fiercest competition was on the oval, you’d be mistaken. Every year, Auskick carnival parents do their best to park like the biggest societal stains they can as they all desperately try to nab a bit of parking near the oval.
Predictably, it was an all-star line up with the who’s who of dual cabs, 4WD, and sports utility vehicles doing their best to take out the title.
We spoke to a 300 Series driver who had waited a long time to really put his toy to good use. He said making a neighbouring property’s flower bed his bitch was the highlight of his year and reckons he’s a shoo-in for the award. Adding,
“Every day I am putting in the work. I don’t think I’ve ever parked with the smallest bit of consideration for my fellow man – and oh boy, today I was in great form. Good luck replanting those flowers ya old bat”
Nevertheless, the panel of judges says they are looking for more than just property damage when deciding who the biggest parking farkwit of the day was. A panelist told The Times,
“Look, we don’t want this to be purely a LandCruiser award. We actually really liked the form of this Nissan X-Trail deciding to park lengthways on the verge rather than follow everyone else’s lead by slotting in tightly. That car blocked at least 3 other people from parking. That’s pretty outstanding”
We can report that while the competition was fierce, the award ultimately went to a Raptor driver that decided to park in a nearby property’s driveway.
In his acceptance speech, the driver told the howling crowd,
“I don’t give a shit if you yous got shit to do. I couldn’t be farked looking for a park any longer so I done it. Stoked to take out this award ha ha but none of yous had a chance. I’m the king of parking like a complete tool everyone knows that”
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
