Belmont Man Wins the Bogan Suit Trifecta – Wedding, Races, Magistrates

It has been a big week for local Brickie, Thommo, who won an impressive trifecta after wearing the same suit to 3 big occasions in the week. An excellent result for his wallet but a sad result for men’s fashion. 

Thommo took out the first leg of the trifecta with no style. Fitting comfortably into his far heftier older brother’s Tarocash suit for his mate’s wedding. He told us,

“Yeah, felt like I was wearing a tent but I didn’t give a fark mate, you know how much suit rentals are? Needed that coin to stock up on some good gear for the reception”

His +1 to the wedding described how Thommo expertly paired a black Billabong button-up shirt with a thick tie and completed the look like a Volcom skate belt and pointy white pleather shoes. In one word, “he wasn’t going to be sleeping alone that night”.

How right she was. Thommo had zero rest before heading to Ascot last Saturday for a day at the races. His second leg of the trifecta was a little shakier with a growing number of stains building that the dark fabric was struggling to hide.

Nevertheless, he held on to successfully keep the outfit on for the day and took out the second leg. Ironically, he was looking even better by the end due to parts of the suit sticking to his body with the help of sticky Jack & Coke spills. 

Once again, his lavish spending and undeniably bogan-at-the-races style ensured he had a great day and an even greater evening. 

After being denied service at a local bottleshop, Thommo assaulted several staff members before commandeering a bloke’s scooter outside. After an intense 10-minute low speed chase through the suburbs of Belmont, Thommo was tased 3 times before the police were able to get him in the paddy wagon. 

Always one to make lemonade out of his self-inflicted lemon party, Thommo saw the lighter side of it all. At least he didn’t need to get a suit for his Magistrate appearance because he was in lockup for the weekend. 

After entering a plea of guilty, Thommo was released on a suspended sentence. Jokes on the justice system though – because Thommo had just cleaned up the 3rd leg of the bogan suit trifecta. 

Legendary performance from the big man. Now he’s just got to get the all-purpose suit dry cleaned and ready for a trifecta this weekend. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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