“The thought is lovely but it’s impractical and frankly, whoever dreamed up breakfast in bed must just have a sick fantasy to share their linen with insects”, a Perth mum mused as she painted on a fake smile and gladly accepted her children’s annual tradition is poorly cooked bacon & eggs on Mother’s Day morning.
After thanking her children for the challenge ahead of her, she attempted to balance the plate, a cup of tea, and a glass of juice on the little lap tray that is just one leg jerk away from total Manchester mayhem. She continued,
“I don’t have the heart to tell them that I find eating in bed to be a bit difficult. We have a lovely table only metres away. Why can’t we all enjoy this undercooked bacon and overcooked eggs together? Still, tradition is tradition”
We spoke to the son who despite having the culinary flare of an English bus driver insisted on attempting scrambled eggs. He told The Times,
“Mum does a lot for us and we feel a bit guilty still living at home. I’m 28. So I reckon making her think she’ll disappoint us if she doesn’t struggle to eat brekkie on her special day is just what the doctor ordered. Ah fark, I’ve stuffed up the eggs again”
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Ah yes, the young(ish) man has just set his mother another beautiful Mother’s Day task – attempting to scrape burnt eggs off a stainless steel pan. A pan she keeps telling the boy is beyond his skills.
We spoke to the man of the house who said the tradition was alive and well,
“She’s not my mother and the kids seem to think they are doing her a real solid. Maybe they could try not to be so hungover that they can’t master the basics of bacon & eggs. Anyway, while they are doing that I can have my customary 45-minute Sunday morning shit in peace”
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Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?