In extraordinary scenes, serial pest Clive Palmer has attempted to claim responsibility for dressing beloved Eliza up in Gold Coast Sun’s gear last night to taunt Westralia.
Turning Eliza against the Eagles in the Western suburbs homeland is considered an especially heinous crime that would have Elliot Stabler shaking with rage.
A spokesperson for the habitual litigation loser told The Bell Tower Times,
“Once Clive heard there was an act of Queensland aggression on Westralian waters he couldn’t get up fast enough to try and claim responsibility for it. He lives for any moment to lay a boot into the State and this was right up his alley”
Seeing Eliza weaponised against the Westralian people really gave the mining magnate a hate-stiffy as he considered ways to compound the threat.
The spokesperson told us,
“He’s currently considering his options as to whether he can get an injunction against all Western Australia prohibiting the removal of the garbs from Eliza. What’s another cost order at the end of the day?”
It is also alleged the Queenslander is considering spamming Westralians with unsolicited text messages every time Gold Coast scores a goal against the Eagles. With the spokesperson adding,
“You really can’t underestimate the pleasure Clive gets from popping up on your mobile when you least expect it. He’ll also be taking out 7 full page ads in the West celebrating Gold Coast in the event they win today. It’s how he gets his rocks off”
A former business partner of Clive told us,
“I wouldn’t listen to him. He once claimed his relatives were responsible for training and emus to achieve victory in the Great Emu War of 1932. His bullshit knows no bounds”
On the fair presumption Clive is talking shit, the remaining 8 Gold Coast Sun’s members are being investigated for this provocation and we expect to have the answers soon.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
