Impromptu Speed Dating Night Breaks Out At Collie Family Reunion 

A Collie family reunion has seen sparks fly as single after single got matched up in record time yesterday. By all accounts, it was one of the most romantic evenings in the South West ever recorded. 

A waitress at the Collie family’s function told The Times that from the moment the fully blooded-related guests walked in there was a thick, steamy, somewhat unsettling tension in the air. She told us,

“This young dude in a monster cap walked in and instantly started giving this pregnant 18-year-old the eye. He waltzed over and asked her if she was keen to get down first-cousin style. She was so pumped”

A bartender at the function reported similar occurrences. Making note that he’d never seen so many people match up in such quick succession. He told The Times,

“Honestly, the energy was electric. It seemed so natural except for these two brothers that were sweet on the same half-blood step-sister. They literally took to separate sides of the bar and went each other like rams on heat. What a spectacle. She ended up pulling them both off”

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It’s estimated that the population of Collie is anticipating a very decent bump in 9 months with some calling it a “win” for the gene pool. A witness to the succ&fucc fest told The Times,

“That’s true romance I reckon ay. Knowing that the grass ain’t no greener and what you have in your own familiar backyard is all yous need ay”

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?