A rich farming couple has finally dealt with what they’ve suspected for years. Their strong, tall workhorse of a son has no interest in attending an elite boarding school on his path to AFL recruitment.
We spoke to the patriarch of the family who spent years biding his time as he saw his son grow to an impressive 6”2 foot by the age of 15. He told The Times,
“I’ve seen him take the full brunt of a large ram and barely move. He would’ve been the next Quentin Lynch maybe even Jeremy Cameron. My dream of being an AFL footy dad pissed down the bloody drain though. He likes rugby?”
Similarly, the matriarch is devastated that she won’t join the ranks of WA royalty by having a son play in the AFL. She told The Times,
“Our only chance at fame now is A Farmer Wants a Wife. Don’t mention that around Ted though it’ll get him going on some other suspicions he has about our son”
We managed to speak to the boy who was lifting hay bales with ease as he effortlessly put in a lazy 6 hours on the farm. He told The Times,
“Dad used to play the Eagles theme song when he thought I was sleeping. He takes me to every game and spends the entire time talking about how I’d piss all over those little shits out there. I just want to play rugby with me, mates”
The couple has vowed to love their son no matter what. With Ted leaving us with this thought,
“End of the day, I reckon we’re due for a new kid anyway. This one can run the farm and his taller, stronger brother will lead us to glory. I have no doubt I can produce another one, I’m somewhat of a local footy legend meself mate”
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