Crown Given E-Plate After Keeping Licence Despite Being Found Unsuitable To Hold One

Crown Casino has satisfied the Royal Commission and WA Government that it is too rich to face any serious penalties for damning findings by the RC. 

Instead, being offered a regulatory “E-Plate” which allows the Casino to operate despite being deemed an unsuitable entity to hold a gaming licence of its kind. 

A spokesperson for the WA Government told The Bell Tower Times,

“Look, just think of it like we’ve got another vehicular menace back on the road so they don’t lose their job. Except instead of traffic offences they are serious accusations relating to money laundering, allowing criminal junkets in and not giving a shit about problem gamblers. Same same, really”

A spokesperson for the Royal Commission told The Times,

“Everywhere we looked we saw proof Crown was acting as a poor corporate citizen but they also made some very compelling points about being so rich & powerful that they couldn’t possibly be held to the same account as the average pleb on the street. We think recommending a corporate E-Plate is an elegant solution”

Just like with an E-Plate, Crown will have to meet some regulatory fluff conditions to continue operating their licence. 

The spokesperson for the Royal Commission told us, 

“This will include limiting exploitation of problem gamblers to set hours per day. At least trying to cover their involvement with overseas criminal syndicates and of course, only laundering money when they absolutely have to in order to earn a living”

Crown has taken the recommendations on board. Promising the WA public that they were as shocked as we were to hear that money was being laundered at a Casino.

An insider close to the board told us,

“Money laundering? At a Casino? No way! It was almost as shocking to be told that a Casino is essentially a social parasite latching on to the public’s dreams of a better life and slowly transferring pleb money into fat profit & loss statements for us”

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