Family Warned Not To Bring Up Idiot Cousin’s Crypto Portfolio Ahead Of Xmas

A Perth matriarch has fought back the tears of shame to warn her extended family to not bring up their dropkick cousin’s crypto portfolio this year. Despite how much he banged on about it last year.

In a message sent to all attendees to Sunday’s celebration, Maree told her family that her sister’s son was a bit touchy about the subject and is liable to launch into despo rants to “buy the dip”. She told The Times,

“In one sense it’s a relief that we won’t have to hear about Doge and retiring by 30 on the other we know he’s not dealing with his house of cards crumbling under his own inability to recognise scam. It will be touch and go”

The man’s own father said he was disappointed that his Lambo was arriving as per his son’s drunken arrogance last Xmas, telling The Times,

“people are always asking if I dropped the boy a a child. Perhaps I did thinking back. He has this ability to lose money and act like you are the fool the entire time. I tell people he’s not mine at the pub”

We spoke to the budding millionaire who said he didn’t want to talk about it. Before telling us that it’ll be alt coin season soon and he’ll be back on top. Adding,

“Diamond hands baby. I’m the king of holding. My sister told me that HODL culture was to sick lemmings into holding while manipulators pump & dump. What would she know?”

Evidently, a bit buddy, evidently a bit.