Thomas aka “Rig Brah” was forced to take a long hard look in the mirror after an eye-opening effort at his friend’s Xmas party last week.
It seems smashing a 10-pack of -196 Double Lemons and coming armed with only conversation points about his bicep routine wasn’t a recipe for success.
While the entire party was a disaster, the main incident occurred at about 10:30 pm, when the finely tuned man-machine started to feel the ill effects of alcohol – a poison that normally doesn’t pass his lips. We spoke to a witness who told The Times,
“Yeah, he shat himself dude. Was fkn horrific too because of how many god damn protein shakes he has a day. He went out for a cheeky vom and ended up erupting like Mount Vepoovius. Was quality though, everyone at the party thought he was a massive d-bag before then”
Indeed they did. It turns out Rig Brah failed to make a positive impact on even one human being. Which was largely in part due to his obsession with talking about his gym workouts and even showing them videos. A witness told The Times,
“Ugh, that guy sucked, man. He came up to me and my friends and he was so drunk. Clearly wasn’t used to the good stuff. He kept showing us his abs and asked us to subscribe to his social media channels. I laughed so hard when he cacked himself”
Holding back visible shame, Rig Brah told The Times that he regretted smashing 10 cans of Japanese heart-starter while so unprepared. A mistake he won’t make twice. Adding,
“I’m going to join my local pub and work out my liver muscle at least 3 times a week. There’s no way I’m going to be the same boring Cadburycunt I was this year. I realise it’s time to make some changes”
Holding back visible shame, Rig Brah told The Times that he regretted smashing 10 cans of Japanese heart-starter while so unprepared. A mistake he won’t make twice. Adding,
“I’m going to join my local pub and work out my liver muscle at least 3 times a week. There’s no way I’m going to be the same boring Cadburycunt I was this year. I realise it’s time to make some changes”
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
