Perth Man Cultivates Instagram Feed That He’s No Longer Comfortable Looking At In Public

I lost control, man”, Shane admits as he tries to obscure the screen of his iPhone as he flicks through the fruits of his toey labour. 

In the early days, Shane was sure to indulge some of his cleaner interests – BBQ videos, sports highlights, memes and even the occasional cute animal video to use in his flirtatious endeavours. 

However, the combination of a lengthy public transport commute to work and a decreasing social life lead Shane down an old familiar road. He told The Times,

“I’ve turned my feed into an old Zoo Magazine mate. I just can’t stop myself from clicking on a new set of bazoingas. They even have these outfit of the day videos where girls are just getting changed. Forgive me for I am weak”

Once a great way to spend his time on buses, waiting rooms and fast food pop-up queues, Shane now feels the judgemental side eyes from people catching a glimpse at his phone. 

“Why don’t people mind their own fkn business? Why does my feed have to stitch me up so badly every time? Can’t they develop a public-mode for dirty horndogs like me?”

He recounts a time when he was locked in a tiddy trance and noticed an old lady sitting behind him on the bus. He told The Times,

“She looked at me like I was a scumbag. I would’ve shown a bit of discretion if I’d realised but I was really concentrating. Why am I like this?”

Shane accepts some blame for his seedy feed but ultimately blames TikTok. Telling The Times,

“TikTok changed the game now every post is a full video of these babes. Then Instagram brought in Reels and the entire app is just insta-models jiggling around and shit. Ahhhh, look over there I gotta check some messages…”

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?