Like the wedding night of a hardcore Christian couple, the pounding Perth gets from its storms is usually underwhelming and over in a flash.
It’s a familiar chicken dance – first we get the storm warning from BoM and then cars on the Freeway pre-emptively reduce their speed by 40kph well before a drop of rain has even landed. Next, we cop a little storm that fucks a bit of shit up – trees, roofs, water-soaked carpets. Although the most damage is done to Western Power’s reputation who still haven’t figured out a way to cope with a mediocre 5minute storm.
However, it’s not always like this. Oh no, on 22 March 2010 Perth copped a flogging that would make the Passion of Christ look like a beginners BDSM session. Clearly, Mother Nature was sick of the smug faces of our elites and rained down golf ball-sized hailstones on mostly the kingdom of the Western burbs. Almost taking out Jacob’s Ladder in the process.
However, the fateful day doesn’t live on in annals of Perth shame because of a few uprooted trees. It’s because every exposed car was battered by the hail and now resembled golf balls. Around 40,000 cars were written off but the ones that only suffered superficial damage became a wet dream for every shameless, low-balling bargain hunter in Perth.
Both private sellers and car dealerships alike were offloading these dent-mobiles for cheap. Of course, at the time picking at the carcass from the storm was seen as a thrifty little play. After all, the engines were fine and if you are in the second-hand hatchback market, do you really give a shit about aesthetics? That ship has sailed, pal.
Yet as each year passed since 2010 the shame of owning one of these eyesores grew. Needless to say, if you are still getting about in a hail damaged 1999 Barina then your peers may start suspecting you’re tighter than a HR manager’s pony tail.
Nevertheless, with each announcement of a new Perth storm, you can see a glimmer of longing, a pining of hope that hail will once again bring forth a discounted car bonanza and you can finally realise your dream of owning a BMW. Just remember to keep telling yourself – It’s still a BMW and no one can take that away from you.
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