Journalist fired after forgetting to mention Taylor Swift in a Super Bowl article

Editors at a masthead were left seething when a journalist turned in their copy about today’s Super Bowl between Kansas City and San Fran without mentioning Taylor Swift at least once.

While ordinarily, the copy may have been sent back to the journalist to amend, this offence was so egregious that it demanded an instant dismissal. We spoke to an editor who made the call,

“We put a very clear directive out that if Taylor Swift was mentioned a minimum of 8 times per article there would be serious repercussions. We don’t care about reporting about the sports side of it, we just care about those clicks from Swifties”

We caught up with the journalist who foolishly dedicated his 500 word copy to the ups & downs of the game and the exciting extra time finish that saw KC seal the deal. He told The Times,

“Surely there are some people out there who still care about the sport? Not just Taylor Swift in an executive box and Usher reliving his glory years? Surely? Well, evidently not, I was told I’ll never write clickbait in this town again”

Learning from his colleague’s mistakes, another journo changed his story from through an NFL perspective to “how many times Taylor Swift hugged Ice Spice” article. Needless to say, an editor almost got down on his hands and knees and blew him six ways to Sunday.

A witness to the successful copy submission told The Times,

“He called the angle Walkley material and started dry humping a water cooler. You could tell he was froffing a bit down below. He just kept saying it was genius and what modern journalism is all about”

Unsurprisingly Swifties have called the Super Bowl coverage a real “touchdown”, demanding more and more drivel to be written about their cult leader.

How good is modern journalism?

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?