Kim Jong-Un Slips One Past The Perth Mint With Cunning Disguise, Launders Billions

The United Nations Security Council DPRK sanctions committee is apparently livid that DPRK leader Kim Jong-Un was able to acquire billions of dollars worth of Western Australian gold after he fooled the mint with a clever disguise. 

Witnesses at the mint that day said the wild cannon dictator entered with an entourage of intimidating men. He was wearing a mullet wig and had one of those novelty sets of glasses with a nose and moustache. He introduced himself as “Jim”.

After producing a fake ID he acquired from an eshay in the Whitfords area, the Perth Mint allowed Kim to buy an extraordinary amount of gold. A witness told The Times,

“Kim knew his disguise was pretty shit hot and he was even making jokes about how this gold will make it easier for him to buy highly enriched uranium. Clarifying that it was a lovely day to trade some Aussie gold for some Russian U-235”

Gold is listed as a “specific import-sanctioned good” and needs express permission from the security council to be traded. Such authorisation never occurred. A spokesperson for the UN Security Council told The Times,

“What is Perth Mint doing? You’d think you’d run a few more checks and balances on a North Korean bloke called Jim buying a billion dollars worth of bullion. We have no doubt he’ll be using that for no good. C’mon Perth, get your act together”

Perth Mint denies any wrongdoing. With a source from within the Government owned entity telling The Times,

“You expect everyone to know who Kim Jong-Un is? Give the Mint a break. How many of you could identify the man in such a luscious mullet and comical disguise glasses set up? I don’t think there is an Aussie alive that wouldn’t have helped him launder billions of dollars almost certainly to contribute to nuclear weapons” 

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