AO Official Sponsor Presses Fresh Batch To Help Players Push Through 4 am Matches 

The Aussie Open’s official sponsor Rolex has minted a fresh batch of pingaz after players have complained about the late scheduling of matches. 

Rescheduling is out of the question so instead, officials will make the game “more fun” to be played into the early hours of the morning. A spokesperson for the AO told The Times,

“We’ve heard the youth enjoy a few disco biscuits while sweating up a storm at 4 am so we figured that was a pretty good shout. We’re already in talks with Skrillex to come and do a DJ set during the 4th and 5th tennis sets. The kids still like Mr Skrillex don’t they?”

Not only will EDM be pumping through the arena but players will get to switch it up with glow-in-the-dark racquets & balls. A spokesperson for Andy Murray told The Times,

“Aye, this changes things. Andy was pretty pissed about the scheduling but that was before Rolex slipped him a little baggie of the good stuff. One of Carl William’s original recipes to they say. Just with Rolex branding”

Sadly, the ballkids won’t have access to the little late-night-helpers but we understand the AO officials have done a little whip around to figure out which kid has a dexie prescription and they’ll figure it out from there. 

Word on the street is Krygios’ knee has magically healed after news of the new measures to help everyone endure late-night matches. 

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