Late Starts To Combat Scourge Of Drivers Who Inexplicably Can’t Defog Windscreen 

Road safety advocates are calling on Perth employers to offer late starting options for shitforbrains employees who still inexplicably can’t remember how to defog their windscreen in the morning. 

As the cold weather builds, more and more Perth drivers take to the road with partial visibility due to their staggering incompetence. This, of course, creates hazardous conditions for other road users. 

It is hoped that certified mouthbreathers will be given the option to start their day at 10am, thus negating the need to deal with the complexities of inter-atmospheric changes in their chosen car. 

A traffic police officer who regularly patrols The Freeway in the morning told The Times, 

“The amount of complete donuts you see fiddling with their dials and trying to clear the foggy windscreen with the sleeve of their jacket is mindblowing. They should be teaching this in schools, clearly”

Ben has lived in Perth for his entire 38 year old life. Every time the temperature drops he attempts to battle the defog demon. Telling The Times,

“I just never remember the right shit, eventually it comes good so I just think fark it and never really commit the right procedure to memory. almost rear ended someone yesterday morning, whoopsies”

Not every employer is thrilled at the recommendation. With some asking why they should lose vital morning productivity because some dimwit can’t remember how the airconditioner works.

A sales firm that deals with the eastern states says the morning is important given the time difference. Adding, 

“I get at least 3 calls per week from an employee saying they might be late because they’ve had to pull over with a fogged up windscreen. That’s lost cashola for me. So, I ask myself, do I really want to employee people who can’t remember the absolute basics of defogging physics?”

The RAC has backed the proposal and further stated it will be good to have the system in place for when Perth gets its 5 days of frost each year. Adding,

“Fog & frost? That’s a real Perth driver shit-buffet and I think we can all agree no one’s got an appetite for that first thing in the morning. Just let them start later, lord knows they probably need the extra rest”

Insurance companies have also welcomed the change saying fogged up related bingles are one of their major claim types this time of year. A spokesperson for SGIO told The Times,

“We can all just be thankful we don’t live in a truly cold climate, god help us all if we did”

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?