One might think there is limited room for innovation in the field of early morning personal alarm systems. After all, every smartphone is packed with a variety of features to help you get up in the morning.
However, local man Todd reckons that even the modern atmospheric, gently ascending tones can’t hold a candle to how fast & consistently Aerobics Oz Style used to make him spring out of bed. He continued,
“Mum knew I was a little crusty sock & tissue goblin so all she had to do was make sure the telly was loud enough at 6 am for me to hear the music for Aerobics Oz Style. I don’t know who was up quicker me or my cretinous little adolescent pork chevup”
We spoke to Todd’s mum who harnessed the power of his teenage thirst to her advantage in his school era. She told The Times,
“Oh, he loved that show. It was his favourite which was unusual as I never really saw him trying to emulate the dances or anything. He’d just sit there glued to the screen eating his breakfast with a stupid look on his face”
We asked Todd if he thought he was still conditioned to get up early for Aerobics Oz Style. He told The Times,
“Honestly mate, all I need to know is that it’s scheduled to run. I wouldn’t even need to hear it. I think I have a deep internal switch, like a survival mode, except it’s gawking at fitness models on the telly. I’m not an animal mate, I’m just a product of the 80s/90s”
We reached out to Channel 10 to raise the point that bringing back the show at 6 am could be the failing broadcasters’ saviour. Especially in this age of heightened awareness of the importance of physical fitness.
They declined to comment and said they were working on a new format where they get 15 of the worst attention-seeking shitcunts you know to compete in a reality TV version of the cult aerobics show.
We decided to end communications swiftly at that point.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
