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Mr Mayweather v McGregor

Somehow the fight of the century is between an Irishman more full of himself than an introverted cannibal and a man who has left more beaten women in his trail than Serena Williams’ tennis record.

In a sport where the rules are blurrier than Perth’s understanding of merging, one sweet scientist reigns supreme: Craig. The undisputed heavyweight champion of listening to pro pundits on ESPN and passing off their opinions as his own “hot take”.

In the barber shop, Craig decides to serenade the floor with the song of the shit-talker,

“Look, Floyd is the undisputed best defensive boxer the sport has seen, McGregor is younger and faster, but without his other disciplines it could well be a 12 round onslaught shit-eatingly chuckles that’s if Floyd doesn’t knock him out in the 7th.”

Great analysis Lennox Lewis, um, we mean Craig. As usual, his “opinion” is missing more citations than medical advice from Pete Evans. The entire barber shop gives him the side-eye of a flog detected and go about their trims.

Now in many ways, Craig’s “opinions” are the aural incarnation of Mike Tyson: they are annoying to listen to, he’ll give it to you regardless of consent and given the chance he will really talk your ear off.

Later in the day, Craig wanders down to the TAB to lay some bets. He notices a group of lads discussing the odds,

“I’ll give you a hot tip, now look, boxing is a science, there are things you need to learn, things that McGregor simply hasn’t had the time to learn, take Floyd no later than the 8th, or waste your money face punchability intensifies.”

The Cheshire cat of stolen advice just dropped a big decaying rat of smugness at their feet.

Unfortunately, one of the blokes has done a 2-week Muay Thai training camp in Bangkok and owns 3 pairs of shorts, so he is equally qualified to talk about boxing,

“Talk shit mate, boxers are weak as piss, Conor will run rings around him, as soon as that old bitch drops his left Conor will give him the left-right good night, over in 3 rounds.”

The pair agrees to disagree, as neither has heard a suitable rebuttable from a reputable source they can pinch.

Not that it even matters, as just like vaccine science tomorrow’s end result will be fiercely disputed by any uninformed dickhead with a keyboard.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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