In the office, Ben is like a roaming transmitter broadcasting the fact he is informed by Podcasts. While on his daily patrol he smells the pungent aroma of a mass media influenced opinion on the AFL finals.
He sidles up and interjects, “did you get that from the News? Wow, OK listen, they talked about this on a Podcast I follow…” He goes on to enlighten everyone by regurgitating the information he heard and then walks off with his head held higher than Bomber Thompson at a warehouse party.
Friday arvo drinks roll around and Ben is as sauced as a bogan’s steak at Rockpool. It doesn’t take long for talk of the day’s tribulations to turn to the inevitable topic of starting up a Podcast. Ben and his mate rim each other with sloppy hole suckery, “mate we are the funniest, wittiest, most clued-in blokes in Australia, how could it not be a hit!”
Given they’ve had this exact conversation every week for 2 years, you can imagine his mate’s surprise when he gets a call the next day. Ben has just been to JB HiFi still half boozed and bought all the kit, “mate, I woke up covered in Halal Snack Pack and had an epiphany, our Podcast should be about current affairs & sports presented in a laid back comical way! No one’s doing that!”
Fuck’s sake, everyone is doing that, Ben had just maxed out his inspirational credit card at the every-cunt shop. Nevertheless, without much more foresight or planning they decide to record a pilot episode.
They um & ah through the week’s topical issues in the style of their lord & saviour Joe Rogan. Serving up takes so lukewarm they make an infant’s bath feel like molten lava.
To make it legit Ben keeps dropping names in the hope anyone listening will think they are sponsored, “shout out to Sennheiser for these amazing headphones” – it’s cool mate the $300 you gave them a few hours before was thanks enough.
After hours of editing the pair still have the chemistry of Clementine Ford on a blind date with an Incel. However, Ben is keen to make his mark on the Podcast world, so he uploads the 1hr 55min cast and promotes it heavily on his social media accounts.
A week passes and only 15 people listen to his Podcast. He deals with this statistic poorly and cancels the Podcast shortly after smashing his fancy new headphones into the desk. These peasants he calls friends & acquaintances were clearly not worthy of his golden mic brilliance.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?