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Mr Perth Dash Cam

Nobody cared who he was until he turned on the dash cam. Having never stepped a foot wrong on the road, he has vested himself with the responsibility of airing all of your vehicula vices online. You don’t hit 1 million YouTube views without making a few enemies.

He first rose to fame when he caught some footage of a peloton of cyclists rushing through a red light like they were late for their tap dancing audition at your favourite cafe. The public got around him, he was a hero. 

A few months later he cemented himself as an authority on the roads after catching Tracey Grimshaw’s dream overtaking him at dangerous speeds. The video went viral and the driver was prosecuted. He had a raging power stiffy.

On today’s patrol, Jeff makes sure to switch off his cam while he performs a cheeky illegal U-Turn that saves him a bunch time getting onto the main road. Who gives a fuck, he’s basically a cop, and emergency services can cut some corners when they are performing the Lord’s work. 

15 minutes into dash cam & Snitch he gives a driver a smug look while tapping his dash cam, he mouths, “got it all on camera, buddy”. See, he had caught up to a woman who had chosen to run an amber light to avoid the awkward tango of the grubby squeegee-man. Come on Jeff, everyone’s pulled that move off. 

Satisfied at having purged another offender from Perth roads, he decides to call it a day and head in. While fumbling to turn off his dash cam so he can run a little amber of his own he almost clips a P-Plater. 

The pair start giving each other more fingers than Captain Birdseye on a plenty o fish meet up. Tension continues to escalate until the P Plater slams on his brakes causing Jeff to almost rear end him. It’s on. Jeff continues narrating for the benefit of his audience, “do you see this? Do you see this? Totally unprovoked and bloody dangerous” 

Later that night Jeff returns home to upload a heavily edited video, removing the “irrelevant” crash he almost caused and paints the P-Plater as an aggro vehicular stain that should be Napisan’d from the underpants of the road. 

Who needs context when you have a dash cam.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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