Mr Perth Hoon

Dex’s Commodore is currently checked in to the Hotel Confiscat-fornia, but it wasn’t always like this. It was the December of ‘14 when Dex invested in his VN in phoenix red.

His misso and her kid will never forget the burnout he “done” on their driveway that day. The skid mark was thicker than anything she’d ever seen on his silk boxers.

Dex thoroughly believes you can measure your love for your kid by the change left over from your non-competitive car loan repayments. Accordingly, it was a tough X-mas for young Shon’Taey that year, but Dex really reckons she loves her new Chevy badge.

Unfortunately, the misso was less than impressed with the gift she got from Dex – a rather aggressive infection that Dex will swear he knew “nuffin” about – although deep down in her heart she knows she “seen” her sister itching in the same region.

Year have passed by Dex is still Dex. Today, he’s pulled up at some lights with his Oakleys on and Commodore-arm out the window. After spotting a Camry he starts revving like the accelerator was attached to a peen enhancement pump.

As the light turned green, he lets out a mighty “YEWWWWWWW”, and drops a hectic skid, narrowly avoiding a collision with several cars. Did someone say COVID-19 outbreak? Because that was sickkk.

There was no time to admire the skidmarked carnage on the road, as he spotted a methy contingent of Snapback wearing cretins milling around an inferior vehicle in a Chicken Treat carpark.

Dex wasted no time lighting up his tyres and dropping the hottest single pegger of 2020. As the smoke cleared he was left with the laughter of drongos and the red & blue flash of doom.

He turned on his car cam and did his best to antagonise the police, “AM I UNDER ARREST, NO ANSWER ME, AM I UNDER ARREST OR AM I FREE TO GO”. Long story short, yes he was and his car was impounded too. Double whammy.

He was utterly devastated until he turned on Channel 9 one fateful evening. One of the Chicken Treat carpark cretins had sent in the video of his skid. He had officially attained the highest level of hoon notoriety.

“Farken grimslaaaart ay”, oi babe, come check out my skid ay”

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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