Mr Triple J Hottest 100

First things first buddy, Chris’ taste in music is pedigree, and yours is supermarket brand chum. He could’ve been in Tame Impala if he kept up his lessons, and you probably think King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard is a Harry Potter book, what a pleb.

See when Chris posts his top 10 predictions on social media he isn’t posting who WILL win, even though he totally knows, rather he is posting his shallow view of the Australian political landscape.

Chris is an absolute elite amongst people who rely on a single radio station to inform their musical taste, so posting an actual list of music would be so 2019 – and Chris is the future, mahn.

“OMG people actually posting musos when the country is burning and like, ScoMo is on Holiday? WTF man, here’s my list:

“1. Koalas

2. fuck Murdoch

3. Climate Change

4. Sydney air quality

5. Fuck ScoMo

6. Fuck ScoMo

7. Fuck ScoMo

8. FuckTheCup

9. ChangetheDate

10. Fuck ScoMo”

Woah nelly, edgy as a spherical dildo being inserted into the round window in playschool by a bloke who wears New Balance before they were cool. Naturally, his predictions are for show and the fire of his musical snobbery still burns strong.

True to form, Chris spends the remainder of his Saturday slicing and dicing his friend’s predictions like a Teppanyaki treble-clef-chef on crack. He is so incensed by the ignorance he decides he will run a full masterclass is musical taste. He posts the full 100.

Now, this years Hottest 100 is extra special, because not only does Chris get to ram his musical opinions past your tonsils but he also gets a second opportunity to pretend he is an Indigenous activist; By using the #changethedate hashtag once on the 26th and then again on the 27th when he inevitably informs everyone why the results of the poll were totally wrong.

Of course, after the 27th you won’t hear much from Chris about the plight of our nation’s first people, but unfortunately, you will probably keep hearing about why your taste in music is a steaming pile of shit.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?