There are plenty of swinging dicks in the WA mining sector, but none swing as far past the knees as the University of Western Australia Engineering graduate. A mix of academic elitism and thorough belief that the future of the WA economy was on his shoulders created the perfect shit-storm of a bloke.
By the second week of his degree, Adam was already swaggering around his physics lecture like Cuntsaac Newton. By the third week, he was calling himself an engineer with the sort of shit-eating grin you’d expect from ScoMo at an Egadine Napisan sale.
Now you may think calling yourself an engineer in your third week of a degree is total wank, but hey, did you even see his calculations in that recap of year 12 maths unit? Move over Steven Hawkings, there’s a new sheriff in town.
After graduation, Adam was offered a 6-month contract with Rio Tinto and spends his first 3 month in the Perth office walking around like his work lanyard is a gold medal in the 5000m pose-athon.
Sadly, the thrill of showboating to admin staff wore thin, so he decided to join the lunchtime jogging crew who donned Rio Tinto branded t-shirts and ran around the CBD just making sure everyone knew.
The second half of his contract was spent doing FIFO work. Getting to wear a hard hat and Hi-Vis vest gave him a bulging power-stiffy.
On top of his little dress up party, getting to carry around a clipboard and look down on tradies made him harder than the shortcut on Rainbow Road. God, he was important.
What would highly skilled tradesmen know? He had 3 months experience, and a little thing called a “brain”. Needless to say, his arrogant and belittling tone had him dodging stink eyes like tuna mornay at an office microwave party.
In the break room, he spots a tradie heating up a can of soup. So he dons his cape and swoops in to save the day, “you should put a glass in the middle of the soup for more even heating, geothermics, lucky you have an engineer here hey”.
It takes two men to hold the tradie back, “don’t tell me how to heat up me soup ya dog!” It seems Adam has greatly misjudged the level of respect he commands on site.
Adam meekly argues that he’s only trying to improve the man’s Big Eat experience. By this stage, the tradie is thinking about giving it all up for some sweet grip of this pencildick’s neck. Alas, he thinks about the jet ski repayments, “get him away from me, boys, I’m begging yas”
Luckily for Adam he is on a mine site because he now needs to excavate a dirty load from his jocks. Such an encounter with reality should have humbled him but well, it didn’t.
Thankfully, the mining giant will let him go after 6 months, and like the economy, his ego may just go into recession.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?