There were plenty of swinging dicks in the WA boomtown gangbang, but none swung as far past the knees as the University of Western Australia Engineering graduate.

By the second week of his degree, Adam was already swaggering around his physics lecture like Cuntsaac Newton. By the third week, he was calling himself an engineer with the sort of shit-eating grin you’d expect from a property trust fund-aire at a Nescafe Blend 43 sale.

Now you may think calling yourself an engineer in your third week of a degree is total wank, but fuck you, did you even see his calculations in that recap of year 12 maths unit? They were more out of control than George Calombaris at an under 17’s soccer match.

After graduation, Adam was offered a 6-month contract with Rio Tinto and spends his first 3 month in the Perth office walking around like his work lanyard is a fucking gold medal.

Sadly, the thrill of showboating to admin staff wore thin, so he decided to join the lunchtime jogging crew who donned Rio Tinto branded t-shirts and ran around the CBD just making sure everyone knew.

The second half of his contract was spent doing FIFO work. Getting to wear a hard hat and Hi-Vis vest gave him a bulging power-stiffy. On top of his little dress up party, getting to carry around a clipboard and look down on tradies made him harder than the shortcut on Rainbow Road. God, he was important.

What would highly skilled tradesmen know? He had 3 months experience, and a little thing called a “brain”. Needless to say, his arrogant and belittling tone had him dodging stink eyes like Cardinal Pell would dodge an extradition order.

In the break room, he spots a tradie heating up a can of soup. So Cunt Kent dons his cape and swoops in to save the day, “you should put a glass in the middle of the soup for more even heating, geothermics, lucky you have an engineer here hey”.

It takes two men to hold the tradie back, “don’t tell me how to heat up me soup ya dog!” It seems Adam has greatly misjudged the level of respect he commands on site.

On a side note, it’s fortunate he is on a mine site because he now needs to excavate a dirty load from his jocks.

Thankfully, the mining giant will let him go after 6 months, and like the economy, his ego may just go into recession.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?