Joop! Limits Imposed At Perth Pubs As Punters Start Moving Inside 

Venues across Perth have begun to implement a stricter Joop! policy to protect the increasing number of West Aussies seeking shelter from the Autumn arctic sting. 

Simply put, if the door staff can smell you before they can see you, you may be asked to take a quick wash in the sink to help reduce the impact of over-Joopification on a punter’s nostrils.

A venue manager told The Times,

“We understand it’s a fundamental right to go out Jooped up to your eyeballs but you have to balance that freedom against the enjoyment of other guests. We know it’s a classic scent but when abused it could pickle a cucumber just from the fumes”

A spokesperson for the Perth Pub Goers Association welcomed the measures, 

“We don’t mean to disrespect the Joop! Corporation but a lot of punters prefer to enjoy their drink without being reminded of the grindy guy at some early 2000’s Subiaco nightclub. We are just asking Joop! users to think about the way their fragrance choice affects others”

Of course, members of the Joop! community are crying foul and labelling the move blatant discrimination. A fulltime Jooper and BMW 3 series owner told The Times, 

“Maybe these measures are necessary for a Joop! Homme user but I’ve been on the Go for years mate. My mate drives an Audi and he’s on the Splash, will we not be allowed to enter a bar to buy groups of girls unsolicited rounds of Fluffy Ducks now?”

He raises a good point. Back up by a member for the Adults Who Still Wear Lynx Lobby telling The Times,

“We’ve all been caught in a thick plume of Joop! and wanted to strap on an oxygen tank but it’s a slippery slope. Understandably, many of our members are concerned we’ll be next. I mean, we wear Lynx, why wouldn’t they try to extend these powers to us?”

In protest, a section from the Joopinati will be staging a stink-out protest. Going 5-6 extra pumps above their usual 12. However, this is only thought to strengthen the resolve to impose the restrictions. 

Just a reminder to always apply cologne humanely. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?