Ms Justin Bieber Concert

Bieber’s level of celebrity is like having the ability to suck yourself off: undeniably impressive but leaves most of us asking, yeh ok, but why?

Why does he whip his fans into such a frenzy? Why does he make a gazillion dollars for ghostwritten lyrics so shallow they make the gene pool of people who lined up for Krispy Kreme look as deep as Kim Kardashian’s fame-hole after Ray J hit end record?

Simply put, due to Deneese, and people like Deneese. An 18-year-old Bieleber that took 2 (unannounced) days off work to camp out for the $600 a ticket JB pit.

Yep, lining up Thursday morning for a concert on Friday afternoon. Well Justin, if Anne Frank was alive, she probably would Nazi this coming and wouldn’t belieb this shit if you told her.

Deneese is at peace with her decision until her world is torn apart. She reads on the News that Justin was interacting with fans and exercising on the Swan River! She posts a crying selfie on Instagram:

“OMG I totes missed the Biebs at the river ;( ;( ;( #fml once in a lifetime opportunity. I feel like total shit ;( ;( ;( to all the SLUTS that saw him, back off, I’m in line and will actually TOUCH HIS HAND when he performs on Friday 😀 😀 😀 #yasssss #blessed #belieber #JB #touchhim.”

Yikes, that is the kind of status that makes One Hour Photo look like a romantic comedy.

By the time Bieber rolls on stage 45 minutes late Deneese is a hysterical mess. The screaming and crying is so ear-splitting that you may as well be watching the concert on Ivan Milat’s shed TV while he was running a group wolf creekin’ session.

Bieber finishes and Deneese waits to be approached by a member of his entourage. For some reason, she didn’t get a personal Instagram invite to his exclusive after party. Huge mistake clearly, as she is her number 1 fan, as stated on 4 different social media platforms.

She sees a slurry of social influencers get herded into his entourage’s van. The sight slices into her like the wrist of a #cutforbieber fuckwit and she gives a short, desperate chase. Defeated, she posts again:

“FUCK ALL YOU BITCHES, probs only listened to Love Yourself and think you know Justin, IT’S OK THOUGH BIEBS, I still love you. Seeing you was the best thing that ever happened to me 🙂 🙂 🙂 I WILL find you in Melbs lol if not, Sydney 😀 😀 😀 😀 If not I will like totally die because I shaved everything for you #yassss #melbs #sydney #shaveforbiebs #allaccesspasstomyass”

Is it Hey Hey It’s Saturday? Because fuck a duck, she just went from One Hour Photo to full-blown Eminem Stan.

Just like science to a One Nation voter, there is just some things in this universe that one will never understand.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?