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Ms Pyramid Scheme

Since graduating high school, Kayler’s life was marred with the kind of erratic turbulence one would expect from a Cessna flying over the Bermuda Triangle. A string of dropkick lovers had left her with nothing more than a couple of kids and ill-fitting work clothes.

She was freefalling to rock bottom and had no other choice but to pull the brainwashed parachute of desperation. So in the summer of ‘10 she signed up to Isagenix.

Her new family was a cult of plastic-y people with over-enthusiasm smeared on their mask-like faces. The creep-fest rolled on for a few years as she would endlessly spruik the high life she so badly wanted people to think she was living.

A gazillion meaningless buzzwords and 2 years later, her dream of retiring by 30 had vanished. All that was left was a pile of sugary fitness woo-woo that her friends and family refused to buy any more.

She was no longer a self-motivated superstar, she was a washed up backup dancer dabbing to the sounds of average joeism.

How the mightily deluded fall. She became buried under an avalanche of bogus Centrelink claims and then Candy Crushed by an unfulfilling lifestyle.

Years later she decided to rejoin the game. Dust off her peer-bullying skills and ram skinny tea down the throat of social media.

Mammas’ back with a brand new bag of excrement:

“Booootiful earthlings, ur VIBE attracts urTRIBE! It’s important that you TRUST the power of NEW begenings and message ME! about an exciting opportunity to earn up to $9000 pw… and get that summer bod!!!! #vibe #tribe #newstart #skinnytea #newlife #earnbig #ratrace #winner #retireby4”

A fellow welfare-whale that Kayler went to school with takes the plankton and decides to message her. Once private messaging, Kayler drops all that vibe malarkey and starts verbally waterboarding her like she was an interrogator at Cuntanamo Bay.

She continually reminds her unconsenting flock that signing up is the only way to cease being an oxygen thieving pile of pus. Kayler’s mother was a tough cookie, but fear not, she broke that 65-year-old woman down and made a superstar sale.

After 6 weeks Kayler had a suspicious feeling that the skinny tea business wasn’t brewing her up a hot cup of early retirement. She knew she had to abandon her Pyramid and swim far away from the snapping jaws of supplement-predators in denial.

That is exactly what she did. She got real. She faced the reality that there is no money in selling fitness supplements to people that hate you online.

Clearly, the money is in candles and pungent rocks and such! That day she sent over 500 invites to her Scentsy page and got blocked by over 50 “friends”.

Killin’ it.