Local mulberry tree locked in a fierce battle with Jacaranda to make biggest mess

A fierce battle has been waged on a suburban street as a local mulberry tree does all it can to create a bigger mess than the current champion, a massive Jacaranda. 

Residents on the street have acknowledged the mulberry trees’ efforts to stain the living shit out of the footpath but many don’t think the little feller has what it takes to match the Jacaranda dropping flowers like an unwilling recipient of a Valentine’s Day bouquet. We spoke to the owner of the mulberry,

“I can’t bring myself to trim her back because all the neighbourhood kids love a cheeky snack on the way from home. Anyway, a mulberry-stained footpath is as summery as a sweaty gooch or the Freo Doctor. Her output has been heroic this year, I think it’s made a truly head shaking mess. Proud of the big girl”

While the mulberry tree concedes it can’t compete on volume it does have a trump card up its sleeve. Not only do the dropped berries create a mess but the ones eaten and then shat out by cockies can do a real number on your car’s paint job.

We spoke to a resident on the street whose white Camry is looking like Grimace mistook it for a toilet after a dodgy McChicken,

“I think when we discuss a mess we need to consider the pain in the arse to clean it, not just the size of the mess. I have to say my money’s on the mulberry after this cute little paint job it contributed to”

A Jacaranda purist on the street disagrees and reckons size matters and that’s it. Adding,

“This big beautiful Jacaranda is leaving its sludgy mark all over the street. Who cares if you need a power washer to get their berry stains out”

Good luck to both competitors. 

CHECK OUT: 5 hot tips to transition from NOR to your new life SOR

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?